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Personal Relationships, Danger and Abuse

Abusive relationships. Battered Women. Fear, shame, injuries.

You are at college, away from home and living on your own. You meet someone, you date, and you move in together.

In the meantime you have no concerned support group around you.

Gradually you notice: verbal, emotional, and finally violence and physical abuse.

You think you can change him.

You can't.

He cries and apologies after he hits you and promised to never do it again. (GET OUT NOW.)

If your father beat your mother, you are more apt to accept it as normal. (It isn't. Leave now)

He will systematically wear you down and erode your self-esteem.

He will tell you how lucky you are that he "loves" you, because no one else will.

He will separate you from family and loved ones.

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He will blame you for the abuse. "If you did this...., or did not do this...if dinner were ready on time...if the house were cleaner..."These are merely manipulation tools he uses to keep you in your place. His battering has nothing to do with any of your behaviour.

None of this is meant to ignore the reality that women can also be abusive. Certainly there are women who verbally and emotionally abuse the men in their lives, but that is another discussion. For purposes of these pages, however, we address the most frequent dynamic of abuse, male on female, and your need for self-protection.


What are the odds?

Around one in four U.S.women will be, at least, hurt by those men who "love them." Some of those women will be killed, or badly injured. Abuse from males can come from boyfriends in college, husbands, brothers, fathers, or others.

If you are involved in a lesbian relationship, be aware that domestic violence occurs here also, and little is said about it. Do not allow anyone to mistreat you.


What should you do?

  • Get away. Accept no blame or responsibility for his actions.

  • If your family will help, tell them and go there.

  • If one of your parents was abusive toward the other, then they may buy into the idea that you "deserve it," and give you no support.

  • Call the police.

  • Call a shelter, get help.

  • These kinds of people have a cold, hard core. They will not change, and you could die.

    Many women put up with this for years, at great personal risk, and finally decide to leave when the man starts in on the children.

    Self Defense for Women

    Learn the Danger Signs and Avoid the Dangers


    Get Help - before it is too late.

    Violence Against Women: "Women Thrive:

    Domestic Violence Shelters, Support and Protection

    Domestic Violence Shelters for Men, women, and children

    Healing the Effects of Abuse

    All kinds of help: abuse, drugs,&alcohol, relationships

    Resources for Battered Women

    Help for Battered Men

    Campus Safety


    Self Defense for Women

    Danger and Dating: A Violence Checklist

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